We had a lot of idiots last night. One guy was at a table and saw another server walk past with a coffee pot, she even stopped to talk to his table with the coffee pot in hand, and she was standing right next to him, but when it came time for me to take his drink order, he looked me straight in the eye and asked "Oh, do you have coffee here?". I am floored. Not only has he seen the coffee pot, but this is not his first time coming here to eat. He comes, I'd say, once a month. And he was serious!
I was incredibly tempted to say "Coffee, oh no, we don't have that here," but I bit my tongue, forced a smile and said "Why yes, we do, can I get you some?" He stared blankly at me momentarily, then nodded. When I came back to the table, he pointed to the prime rib and said "Oh, is the prime rib ham?" Again, what? "Um, no, it's, uh, beef." How am I supposed to say this without laughing?
Another table, this one wasn't mine, but a coworker's, stiffed him because the lady ordered her steak extra well done, then complained when the meat was hard and crispy.
If I was cooking this is how your steak would end up. Burnt and crispy, like your soul!
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