Thursday, January 27, 2011

Just fyi...

I'm currently using one of those crappy silicon keyboards because my sad, pathetic laptop is sad and pathetic. If there are letters missing from words, it's not my fault, I really don't like to reread and correct everything I've just written and my new laptop is supposed to be delivered tomorrow, let's hope that this really sucks...

You're too generous, really!

That's so nice of you to sit at a table in the back that's already been made ready for tomorrow morning because you need privacy to conduct your insurance meeting over coffee and one slice of pie. No, sit there for as many hours as you need and tell me to keep the change from $10 on a $9.75 tab. Totally acceptable. Yeah, there's a Starbucks about 300 ft away, feel free to hang out there next time. I guess the person who had a single cup of Iced Tea and left me a $2.50 tip while being the lowest maintenance person ever totally made up for it.

The staff

Upon occasion I'm going to refer to people I work with, so here's a list of the people.

The Menopausal Twit (M.T.): Manager that pisses me off almost constantly and sighs in an over exaggerated manner every time someone asks to see/talk to a manager. Treat everyone no matter their age like her errant children who all need a kid ass kicking o straighten them up.

Sister Mary Katherine (Sister): The incredibly religious, awesomely funny half a foot tall woman who has some of the biggest lady balls I've ever seen.

Savage: One of my favorite people. She grabs my butt and my boobs every time we work together and comments loudly on the fact that there's "No padding, seriously that's all boob!!" Recently she, Evita, Bananarama an Grams got written up for sexually harassing each other because M.T. was tired of watching everyone feeling each other up.

Evita: Gorgeous little Mexican mama with three kids and the greatest accent ever.

Bananarama: One of the funniest, spunkiest people I've ever met. She makes me laugh and calls some of her favorite older male customers her sugar daddies.

Grams: Not grandma age at all, just turned thirty, but her name is what many people call their grandmas. She's awesome.

KKK: Unabashedly racist chick who gets on my nerves.

Cici: A girl I work with all the time, who calls me hooker and lover and generally makes my shifts more enjoyable.

Bzzz: Girl I don't often work with anymore, and who seems to jump between liking me and being bitchy toward me. Whatever.

Lolo: Sidework crazy girl who works at the restaurant only because it has good insurance.

Tena: Someone I talk to outside of work all the time and whose kids look so much like her, I'm convinced she got herself pregnant.

Pimp Daddy: The only male server

Zoey: Another awesome person who I enjoy being around.

STFU: Person who i want to say that to constantly.

There are more people, but they generally won't pop up, if they do, I'll introduce them.


With the holidays and school and everything, I haven't had time to update recently, but I promise that I will update more frequently. Don't give up on me folks.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I know how to do my job

I hate it, absolutely HATE IT, when I'm taking your drink order and you remind me ten times that I need to bring you dinner bread. I do this same routine over and over and over again with several tables several nights every week. I know that I have to bring you bread. I get that. You'll get it, but in order for me to bring it to you I have to be able to leave your table first! The more times you remind me about your freaking bread, the longer it's going to take me to get your drink orders and leave the table, which means it's going to be even longer before you get your bread.


The Sunday Crowd

Sorry for not updating more frequently, I've recently moved and so I went without internet for several weeks, which makes for a crabby me.

Anyway, I freaking hate the Sunday customers most of the time. And unfortunately, most of the times that means the church crowd. Now, I have nothing against religion, everyone has to believe in something to get them through the day, but I don't like are the self-righteous a-holes who come into a restaurant after church and act all uppity and holy because they just got out of church and I've been working.

I actually had some lady (and I'm using the term loosely) tell me that I was a heathen for working on the Sabbath once. I wanted to say "Oh really, because I thought the Sabbath was on Saturday, but hey, if you think it's Sunday. whatever lady."

But crap like that pisses me off. I wouldn't have to work on Sundays if people like her stopped going out to restaurants after or before church. Oh, and that's also the same reason why none of us at my job get to spend any whole holiday with our families. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Valentine's day are all mandatory work days. Then the worst part is half the time the tips are utter crap on those days.

Really people? You're going to ensure that we have to work when we want to spend time with out families and then you don't even properly compensate us??? Mother's Day is the worst, in my opinion, because most of the girls who work there, in fact, I think everyone but me, is a mother, and instead of having the day off to relax and be pampered, they have to come in to their job and get treated like a servant. But hey, that's okay,people make it blatantly obvious that we're not actual human beings to them anyway.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Are you an idiot by choice or were you born that way?

We had a lot of idiots last night. One guy was at a table and saw another server walk past with a coffee pot, she even stopped to talk to his table with the coffee pot in hand, and she was standing right next to him, but when it came time for me to take his drink order, he looked me straight in the eye and asked "Oh, do you have coffee here?". I am floored. Not only has he seen the coffee pot, but this is not his first time coming here to eat. He comes, I'd say, once a month. And he was serious!

I was incredibly tempted to say "Coffee, oh no, we don't have that here," but I bit my tongue, forced a smile and said "Why yes, we do, can I get you some?" He stared blankly at me momentarily, then nodded. When I came back to the table, he pointed to the prime rib and said "Oh, is the prime rib ham?" Again, what? "Um, no, it's, uh, beef." How am I supposed to say this without laughing?

Another table, this one wasn't mine, but a coworker's, stiffed him because the lady ordered her steak extra well done, then complained when the meat was hard and crispy.

If I was cooking this is how your steak would end up. Burnt and crispy, like your soul!