I know how to do my job

I hate it, absolutely HATE IT, when I'm taking your drink order and you remind me ten times that I need to bring you dinner bread. I do this same routine over and over and over again with several tables several nights every week. I know that I have to bring you bread. I get that. You'll get it, but in order for me to bring it to you I have to be able to leave your table first! The more times you remind me about your freaking bread, the longer it's going to take me to get your drink orders and leave the table, which means it's going to be even longer before you get your bread.

DO THE FREAKING MATH FOLKS!!!!!

The Sunday Crowd

Sorry for not updating more frequently, I've recently moved and so I went without internet for several weeks, which makes for a crabby me.

Anyway, I freaking hate the Sunday customers most of the time. And unfortunately, most of the times that means the church crowd. Now, I have nothing against religion, everyone has to believe in something to get them through the day, but I don't like are the self-righteous a-holes who come into a restaurant after church and act all uppity and holy because they just got out of church and I've been working.

I actually had some lady (and I'm using the term loosely) tell me that I was a heathen for working on the Sabbath once. I wanted to say "Oh really, because I thought the Sabbath was on Saturday, but hey, if you think it's Sunday. whatever lady."

But crap like that pisses me off. I wouldn't have to work on Sundays if people like her stopped going out to restaurants after or before church. Oh, and that's also the same reason why none of us at my job get to spend any whole holiday with our families. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Valentine's day are all mandatory work days. Then the worst part is half the time the tips are utter crap on those days.

Really people? You're going to ensure that we have to work when we want to spend time with out families and then you don't even properly compensate us??? Mother's Day is the worst, in my opinion, because most of the girls who work there, in fact, I think everyone but me, is a mother, and instead of having the day off to relax and be pampered, they have to come in to their job and get treated like a servant. But hey, that's okay,people make it blatantly obvious that we're not actual human beings to them anyway.

Are you an idiot by choice or were you born that way?

We had a lot of idiots last night. One guy was at a table and saw another server walk past with a coffee pot, she even stopped to talk to his table with the coffee pot in hand, and she was standing right next to him, but when it came time for me to take his drink order, he looked me straight in the eye and asked "Oh, do you have coffee here?". I am floored. Not only has he seen the coffee pot, but this is not his first time coming here to eat. He comes, I'd say, once a month. And he was serious!

I was incredibly tempted to say "Coffee, oh no, we don't have that here," but I bit my tongue, forced a smile and said "Why yes, we do, can I get you some?" He stared blankly at me momentarily, then nodded. When I came back to the table, he pointed to the prime rib and said "Oh, is the prime rib ham?" Again, what? "Um, no, it's, uh, beef." How am I supposed to say this without laughing?

Another table, this one wasn't mine, but a coworker's, stiffed him because the lady ordered her steak extra well done, then complained when the meat was hard and crispy.

If I was cooking this is how your steak would end up. Burnt and crispy, like your soul!

Your kids are cute, but you suck.

Alright folks, we have an epidemic of idiocy in our nation right now. Your kids are adorable, they really are. They're cute and have that wide eyed innocent look that makes me want to hug them for hours. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the kids I get to see fall into one of two categories.

1. Isn't he an angel?

I understand that your kid is a reflection of you and your partner and they have all your best traits and blah blah blah, but seriously, can you stop your demon child from going crazy? Everyone else sees a beautiful little boy with big eyes and a mischievous grin, I see the kid crushing crackers and knocking them around everywhere and losing his shit when you take his drink away after he's dumped it on the floor for the sixth time. Or, which is worse, your kid loses their shit for no apparent reason. They go completely wild and then stop out of no where, and pull some exorcist head spinning stunt and begin screaming at the top of their lungs. I'm tempted to bring a Bible and start reading Psalms in the hope he'll calm down. Our cream of broccoli soup looks way too much like split pea soup for this crap to fly.

Yeah, your kid is adorable. Get him away from me.

2. He's so sweet!
An even more shocking event is when I come to your table and your seven years old child is sweet and polite and you're a complete ass! Your child should not be more mature than you. If they are barely able to use the big boy potty all by themselves and they're apologizing for your behavior, you fail at life and I'm calling child protective services.

Needy people piss me off.

No, I'm not getting you another plate, you have seven.

Look, I get it. I'm your server, I'm supposed to get stuff for you. Understood. But running me ragged with your demands is not making me a happy person. Why can't you all collaborate on what you need so I'm not stuck running back and forth constantly?

I had a party of 5 that wasn't in my section, but I picked it up because I wasn't busy and my manager asked me to. Big mistake. They'd been waiting there for several minutes for service, so when I went to grab their drink orders, they were ready to place their food orders as well. This is obnoxious, because now I have to put your orders in, get your drinks, grab your bread, and make your various soups and salads. All as quickly as possible while you glare daggers at me. Hey, it's not my fault that you waited for a few minutes. You're regulars here, and you can see that we're a bit busy.

As if that's not bad enough, this table was full of the neediest people ever. "Can I have this, and this?" and then as soon as I come back with their items, "Oh wait, I forgot, can you bring this too?" And so on and so forth until their meals come out. They had to change two of their orders, because we were out of lobster that night and my manager took their orders so I have very little idea what special things they wanted with their meals.

Meanwhile, my other tables are being pretty cool, which makes me happy, and I check up on them as often as possible, but I know I'm not doing as good as I usually do. Even so, the tips are utter crap, and frankly, I serve my tables with a lot of focus on the people, more than most servers, so me not doing my best is about the equivalent of a lot of other servers.

Then my party of 5 camps for an extra hour, but of course I have to continue to get refills, awesome.